Much has changed in the 3 years since my last post, yet so much is still the same. The house is still a disaster, close to condemnation with teenage sized holes in the wall; and we are still struggling to make ends meet while trying to give each child the attention he deserves and in many ways still craves. And I still pine away for that perfect “Cleaver” family unit that settles arguments with love and compassion rather than fist fights, shouting matches, and all out disrespect for one and all.
Most recently I realized just how much I’d allowed my love for family unity dissolve. I was content to contact my own siblings only on birthdays and holidays, while at the same time expecting them to know and understand the full extent of the chaos that is my life. A series of events led me to resent my oldest brother for living his life as he wants and should. I became angry that he was somehow unaware that I’d lost all control and was on the verge of collapse. Why had the family grapevine not reached him?
I lashed out, only to be met with his own litany of stress - including care for our aging father. It was a good airing of issues. We rediscovered our need to build relationships beyond birthdays and holidays. Our busy lifestyles prevent us from the old weekly dinners, but with care and planning we can schedule more frequent visits than just the few celebrations that require divided attentions.
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